Jealousy

It's ugly. I mean, really ugly. It makes you think, say and do all sorts of things you wouldn't normally. It has this way of nagging at you. It's like the itch that can't be scratched. How do I know? I've been feeling lately. It doesn't happen very often, but when it does, wham! And it's not pretty.

The funny thing about jealousy is that you often know that you are experiencing it, but you can't seem to stop it from happening. I guess it's what addicts feel. They know that drinking is bad, but they just can't seem to stop themselves from taking a swig.

You may be wondering why I am feeling jealous right now. There's this person I know. I won't name names, but if you've had a recent conversation with me, I've probably whined to you about her. She is the exact opposite of me in every conceivable way (looks, height, body type, you name it). The only thing we have in common is that we are both women. Ironically, the jealousy doesn't stem from me wanting to be like her. Actually, I don't particularly like her way of being, but I can't help but notice how people respond to her. People LOVE her. I really don't get it. I find her persistent peppiness bothersome. Now before you accuse me of being some sort of a grouch, trust me, I like fun people. I enjoy a good time as much as the next person. But her incessant laughing at any and everything has gotten on my last nerve. Every time she laughs, at the lamest things I might add, I just want to yell and tell her, "It's not THAT funny!"

Oh, and she invites herself to everything...parties, conversations, you name it. She has to be included. She even buys the silliest of trinkets for almost everyone around her. I've lost you, right? You're probably asking yourself, "What's so wrong with that? It's very sweet and thoughtful." No, it's not. It's a ploy. She's simply currying favor and buying affection. Okay, I know this sounds terrible. I'm probably not making my case. Let me say it this way. It doesn't feel genuine.

There, I said it. I sincerely think she's a fake, a fraud, a phony. Whew! So glad to get that off my chest. I'm jealous of the result of her insincerity. Her brown-nosing has led to her getting all sorts of opportunities! On one hand, I'm rather impressed. On the other, I'm steaming mad. I feel like the McCain to her Obama...only I hesitate to compare her to him, as I like him so. But, I understand the Senator from Arizona. He's worked so hard for years, supported people he didn't particularly like for the good of the party and now this person, comes in and bam! All of his hard work feels like for naught.

But here is the difference, I don't talk about how much work I have. She does. At any given moment she is openly talking about how under water she is. Trust me, I have felt swamped too, but I haven't whined about it. I suffered in silence...with an occasional misstep here and there. Somehow, she manages to lament in a way that makes her seem like such a trooper. It's exasperating. Aren't frauds supposed to be found out in the end? Where's the movie moment where it's discovered that everything she does is directly related to her Machiavellian ways?

I'm one for full on honesty. I tell it like I see it. I'm thinking this is what is at the root of the problem. Who wants to hang out with someone that doesn't always agree with your point of view? I guess the people that are the closest to me. They seem to thrive just fine with me telling them like it is. Many of them come to me for that very reason...the god's honest truth. Now, I think you can sugar coat it, but turning a blind eye has never been my style.

So, back to this jealousy thing. While I clearly need to just get over it, it has caused me to reflect a little more. Maybe I come off too aloof. I had someone tell me that I was mysterious. Really? That sounds sort of cool if you ask me. I've also been told that I have an edge. Really? That sounds sort of cool too. But apparently people that are aloof and have an edge are not so easy to approach. That could be the problem. She is perceived as peppy, while I'm perceived as edgy. I can see why that would make people not want to hang out at my desk to shoot the breeze. I've been working on my approachability factor. I've been putting on that "happy face" I mentioned recently. But I have to remind myself to do that on a regular basis for fear that a leftover scowl due to a bad commute or something could be misinterpreted somehow. It's a lot of effort this peppiness. I have to give her credit. This is exhausting.

Well, off to go smile inanely at someone for no apparent reason whatsoever. Man, I'm tired already.

Put on a Happy Face

Have you ever heard that the simple act of smiling makes you not only look happier, but actually makes you sound happier too? Well, I'm here to tell you that it's true. It was recently brought to my attention that lately I've come off, well, negative. That was a surprise to me. I'm usually the first person to laugh (loudly I might add) at any light-hearted or comedic situation. However, in thinking back, I can see where that perception would come from. If I'm honest, I haven't been too happy lately. So, I'm guessing I haven't been smiling too often. I was given the advice that I should basically "fake the funk." So today I decided to give it a try. My mother would be so proud of my superb acting skills that I learned from my otherwise useless Theater major. Surprisingly, it worked. I burst into the office and gave the cheeriest morning ever. My colleagues were perplexed to say the least, but it did make them smile. I've since been the very definition of chipper all day. And you know what? I feel better than I did before I stepped foot into the office. My interactions with people have been better, my spirit is better, and it all started with a simple smile. So go out there, and put on that happy face. You'll be glad you did.

Meeting of the Minds

This may be a mistake to admit, but I sometimes sit in large group meetings and rather than pay attention to what is being said, I find myself marveling at the cult of personalities. What do I mean by that? Well, it seems that in every meeting there are definite types.

The "shrinking violet" - the one that wishes no one could see them and if they could crawl into a corner they would. They're the equivalent to the kid that would sweat bullets when the teacher called on them in class. Obviously, they generally add very little value to the meeting, unless they are smart enough to be note takers...which is the dream role of a "shrinking violet."

The "distracter" - the person that only contributes information that has absolutely no worth whatsoever. It's like they can't help but spout out the most bizarre and pointless statements...only adding to the already longer than necessary meeting.

The "jokester" - the name sort of tells it all, but this person can't help but make self-deprecating jokes in order to ingratiate themselves to the group. Sometimes this works but often it's just distracting and sometimes a little sad. If a "distracter" and a "jokester" are in the same meeting, you might as well just resign yourself to a marathon of a meeting where, unsurprisingly enough, not much has been accomplished.

The "over contributor" - this person seems to LOVE the sound of his or her own voice. They can't miss an opportunity to share their point of view with anyone and everyone that will listen. This person LIVES for meetings. Often they withhold information just so they can set a meeting so everyone can hear how brilliant they are. Meetings are this person's favorite time during the work week.

The "conductor" - this person desperately wants to keep the meeting on track and you will hear constant sighs or see frequent thinly disguised eye rolls whenever a "distracter" or "jokester" speaks. If this person can somehow rein everyone in and get the meeting down to under one hour, they will feel like they've just ran a marathon and came out on top. A well-run, and succinct meeting will make this person's day.

The "idea killer" (also known as a buzz kill) - this is the person that gets great joy out of bashing others ideas, but often has nothing to add in return. They just like the word "no" or the phrase "won't work." They are meeting bullies. Beware, they are not fun to have around. Creativity is the first to go when they arrive. If there's an "over contributer" and an "idea killer" in the same meeting, there might be blood.

Now don't get me wrong, there are several types of people that are great in meetings, such as the "idea champion", someone who finds possibility in most ideas contributed. But these folks are just not as much fun to blog about.

Now, go enjoy that meeting you have in 5 minutes.

Everyone is Paranoid

Or is it just me? Seriously, as a people, at some point we assume that the person whispering nearby is talking about them. I think that is where most office gossip stems from...not from what people are actually saying, but from what people THINK people are saying about them at work.

Ever notice the times when you walk by, and the people chatting just happen to stop their conversation? That couldn't be a {gasp} coincidence. Surely not...they must've been talking about you. There is absolutely no other rational reason for the cease in conversation...except if they were finished with what they were talking about or actually having a private conversation that didn’t include you. Nah, that’s too rational. Your co-workers are definitely out to get you…period.

Does this paranoid feeling mean that many of us are that self-centered? If a person were to answer no to the "noticing people stop talking around them" question, they are either incredibly grounded or obviously oblivious to their surroundings, thus making them even MORE self-centered than the average person.

I think that the majority of problems that people have are the perception of a problem. Sure there are real grievances, but I strongly believe that it all comes from bad communication. Most have assumed that problems stem from lack of communication...but I have to say that it seems definitely more from bad communication or miscommunication, as the case may be.

There is this lovely book called Love Languages. I swear I think this book may have saved my relationship with my boyfriend, who ultimately became my husband. It talks about how some people show and perceive shows of love differently. For example, if your love language is "acts of kindness" that is how you will best receive love from your partner. Basically, if your loved one takes out the garbage without being prodded by you, you may think your partner is the best person in the world, and love them immensely for it. However, if your love language is "gifts" then that same "act of kindness" of taking out the trash may only be perceived as a nice thing to do, and nothing more. The reason is because these two people show and receive love differently...thus they speak two different love languages. Sounds hokey, right? I know, but think about it. It just might save the next argument you have with your partner. You figure out your partner’s love language, and I promise…bliss. At least until your next fight over the remote. There isn't a book for that.

Now take that same "love language" concept to work relationships. If colleagues have different communication styles, boy could that lead to all kinds of problems. Imagine if colleagues immediately, but gently, confronted their co-workers about a miscommunication, think how wonderful the office environment would be. Life is too short to seethe over perceived problems, especially when there are so many real ones to deal with. Often times we just have different communications styles…nothing more, nothing less. Once those communication styles have been identified and acknowledged you'd be surprised how much better (notice I didn't say perfect) your life at work could be. I mean, we are human after all.

But take note; gift-giving is never a bad way to apologize or show you care…even at work. Can you guess my love language?